A Cookbook of Skaian Delicacies
by Natsumiya Teirin
Summary: In this kitchen, there are a variety of foods and spices- RoseMary, Pepsi Cola, Crab-Cakes, Cotton Candy, Rainbow Sherbert, Pumpkins, CatFish, Honey, PB&J, and even some CatNip for the cat holding your lap hostage. So please, help yourself to everything! Submit ideas via PM or Review, please!
1. Chapter 1

**Metamorphosis**

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The colors ran smoothly between her fingers- like silk- in a blend of dark blues and soft lavenders and calm morning yellows. In a place as dark and grey as this, she thought, surely anyone would appreciate even a spot of brightness.

A pointed tongue traced gently the tip of a pearly white fang.

And surely, dearest Rose would appreciate this more than anyone else.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The dress was a true work of art- finer than any one could even hope to find in the small Alternian shops. It brought to Rose's mind the clear image of a dawn sky, so beautiful and radiant that one might even be compelled to kiss the very sky itself.

But, her mind also supplied, grass is greener and much more physical than any rosy-fingered dawn. Or lavender, in this case.

So, instead of kissing air, her lips came to rest lightly upon a set painted with green lipstick.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

In the tall and waving grass of the clearing, jade and sapphire intersected, and a single blue eye bore angrily into green.

"I always knew there was something off about you, Maryam!"

"Oh, how very perceptive of you, Miss Serket," drawled a precise and distinctly feminine voice, "and next you'll tell me that Miss Pyrope is blind and Sir Nitram is a cripple. Isn't that right?"

"W-Well- at least they don't _drink people's blood!_ "

That remark actually stung, and Kanaya tried to hide the pain on her face. Vriska saw anyway, and was going to make a retort when-

"Don't you dare talk to her that way!"

And there she was.

"Oh? My, my, what a surprise, seeing _you_ here, _you meddler_."

"Leave Kanaya alone, you disgusting spider! She hasn't done you any wrong!"

"Hmm? What's this- you're getting awfully defensive of this bloodsucker, Lalonde," Vriska taunted, her voice mocking.

"Could it be? You actually _care_ about her? Tsk, tsk, I wonder what your mother would have to say about that- oh wait. That's right," she smirked, knowing.

" _You don't have one."_

Rose growled threateningly, and Kanaya found her darling's courage admirable. Certainly unworthy of Vriska's scathing words.

"Shut up, Serket! My mother might be dead, but she clearly brought me up better than yours did you!"

Oh dear. Rose was getting quite heated.

Time to put an end to this.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

 _Vvvvvvvrrrrooooooooooommmmmmm!_

 **OooOooOooOooO**

Blood the color of sapphires stained the grass blue-green. Kanaya knelt down and put a finger of it to her lips, and quickly spit it out.

Vriska's blood tasted just as ghastly as her manipulative personality.

Rose was in a shocked stupor. That wouldn't do at all, now would it?

Kanaya slowly pulled the human- _her_ human- into a chaste kiss. That woke her up.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The priest stood across from them in the moonlit clearing, and Kanaya was reminded of the last time she'd fought here. The memory made her stomach churn.

Kankri Vantas was her best friend's older brother. Her figurative older brother's older brother, and my wasn't that a phrase to throw one's brain for a loop.

"Kanaya…you…are beyond saving. Vampires have no right to live- else they'd have never started off dead."

With only that little warning, Kankri lunged, his sickle poised to strike at the same time Rose let her fear get the better of her and pushed Kanaya out of the way.

Red blood stained the blue grass. All was silent.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

 _Drip…_

 _Drip…_

 _Drip…_

 _Drip…_

Kanaya fled, taking Rose's corpse with her.

She ascended into her tower in the forest, isolated from the rest of the world, and laid Rose on the bed. She covered her with a soft blanket she'd made herself and took only a moment to observe her features.

Pale skin- not quite as pale as hers- lacking the color of life and health. Amethyst eyes stared, unseeing, and soft, plump lips were parted slightly. Blonde hair, pale to the point it may as well be white, fanned around her head like a cloud.

She was beautiful, and Kanaya could already picture the glow her skin would have once she was done.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

Rose opened her eyes and groaned lightly. The first thing her mind registered was a pang in her gut. She was _starving_.

Secondly, she noticed Kanaya hovering over her, a concerned expression on her green-painted lips.

"Rose- you're awake at last, I see." The older woman's voice was happy and light. Relieved.

"Why, yes, darling Kanaya, I am awake," her stomach grumbled lightly.

"And hungry, too, it seems," said Kanaya with a smile.

"Yes. And hungry, too."

 **OooOooOooOooO**

Kanaya prepared a simple meal for her bedridden guest, but to Rose, the nuts and berries and dried meat weren't very appealing. She ate everything, of course, so as not to appear rude, but she couldn't keep it down. Kanaya cleaned up the mess with a smile on her face, though Rose felt embarassed and guilty.

"I really am sorry- I suppose I just…haven't been feeling well recently."

"Nonsense, Rose. A sickle to the stomach will do that to a person, and besides, your inability to digest typical nutritional substance is further proof that my methods of bringing you back to life were quite sufficient."

And then, she remembered.

Vriska.

Kankri.

The sickle headed for Kanaya and the agonizing pain and-

"You've turned me into a vampire, haven't you?"

Kanaya nodded, noting that Rose didn't sound angry, or even really all that surprised.

"I have. If I hadn't, you would be burning on a funeral pyre right now."

"…I see. Thank you, Kanaya."

"Don't mention it, Rose. I only did it because I love you."

"I won't, then. I love you, too."


	2. Transcendence- part 1

**Transcendence**

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The first time Dave Strider met John Egbert was in a dream.

It was a very strange dream, with humanoid figures both pure black and pure white, and a vast land whose terrain looked more like a chess board.

And in the center of everything, huddled in a ball and imprisoned in a barrier of wind- _wind_ , of _all the things_!- was John.

Though Dave only knew that because the guy decided to start up a mental conversation with him, and he honestly had no idea how that was even possible in a dream.

At the time, Dave could only tell that he was pale, his hair was black (and looked fun to play with, not that he'd admit that any time soon), and he had an adorable dorky- sounding (adorkable) voice.

When he woke up, he felt oddly refreshed- like someone had dumped a bucket of water on top of him and then left him outside to chill- and his heart was beating just a little bit faster than what was normal.

He got out of bed and changed into a clean set of clothes before heading out to school. He walked- because really, it was only half a mile away-and today, it was like the breeze was whispering in his ears. He couldn't tell what it was saying- assuming the wind even spoke at all- but he was hearing happy sounds, and felt ready to face the day.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The second time Dave Strider met John Egbert was in an empty music room.

He wasn't really doing anything- just hanging out after school- when the sound of a piano being played somehow found its way to his ears.

It sounded sweet. So sweet. Like…like a choir of angels, except instead of voices, there was only piano.

Dave followed the melodious notes to the end of the hall, to the music room on the second floor. He opened the doors and saw a familiar figure at the bench in front of the piano.

"John?"

The playing stopped, and John turned around, and Dave's breath caught in his throat.

Holy shit.

When had the sky decided to just chill in the dude's eyes? They were fucking beautiful.

And then, John smiled and waved, and _God_ those buck teeth were _cute_!

"So…I…uh…I just sorta heard you playin' and…"Dave trailed off, not sure exactly what he wanted to say.

"So…umm…name's Dave. And what's yours?" he asked after a moment of silence. The shorter boy grabbed a notepad from the top of the piano and scribbled something down on it before handing it to him.

 _hi dave! my name is john. john egbert. i'm really happy that you like my music._

Dave smiled a bit, then faltered.

John Egbert- like the mysterious kid from his dreams?

There was another moment of awkward silence as Dave struggled to word his thoughts.

"So…I guess I'll see you around…"

And then he walked off.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

That night, Dave had trouble sleeping. His thoughts were occupied with sky-blue eyes and windswept black hair. Naturally, when he finally did get to sleep, they were the first things to greet him, tinted blue with the sphere of wind that surrounded their owner.

" _Hi again, Dave!"_

"Yeah…hi, Egbert."

" _Y'know, I'm really glad I was able to meet you in person today. I've been waiting a long time to even be able to do that."_

"Oh. So it _was_ you. But uhh…"

"… _yeah. I guess I can't physically talk in your world. But that's okay, I guess, because I was mute even back then, too!"_

"'Back then'? What's _that_ supposed to mean? And 'your world'? Dude, are you like, some semi-mortal being from another dimension or some shit?"

John's mental voice took on a sad tone. The feeling was almost palpable.

" _Yeah. You actually hit the nail right on the head, Dave. It's a really long story, though."_

"So what? It's not like I gotta wake up any time soon."

" _Huh? But what about school?"_

"I got good grades in most my classes. I can afford to be late to class- and the world's not gonna end if I'm absent for a day, either. So, story time Egderp."

A sigh.

" _Alright fine. I don't really like telling it, though. So I'll try to make it quick."_

Dave sat down on a low hanging cloud and John began to tell his story.

It was a long and tragic one.

 _ **OooOooOooOooO**_

" _It starts with the birth of a place called Skaia. It's where we are now. It is a place defended by the white Prospitians, who live on the golden moon of Prospit. It's doomed to be under eternal siege by the Dersites, who live on Derse- the second moon. The Dersites were jealous of the Prospitians' fortune, and waged war to claim it for themselves. They thought Skaia would bring them happiness."_

He paused for a minute and Dave, eager to know exactly where John fit into all this, patiently waited for him to continue.

" _Centuries passed, and many generations of kings came and went. And, fatefully, there came a king of Derse who was just as weary of war as the last kings of Prospit had been for years. And he decided to put an end to the war through an alliance with Prospit. The terms were simple: the prince of Prospit would marry Rose, the princess of Derse, and David, Derse's prince, would marry Prospit's princess Jade."_

As he mentioned them, Dave noted the fondness in John's tone, and he was sure then that he knew who the prince of Prospit was.

" _But David had no interest in marrying Jade._ _ **He**_ _wanted to steal prince Jonathan from Rose, and wouldn't fulfill his end of the deal. He didn't care for Jade one way or the other about Jade, so she was safe. And to be doubly sure, the kings of Prospit and Derse together sent her off to another universe- the one you live in, Dave. They'd made plans also to send Jonathan to another planet, far away from Skaia, called Beforus. But before they could act their plan out, David stormed the castle, planning to kill his treacherous father and steal John away."_

Ah. That slip of the tongue confirmed his suspicions.

" _Jonathan snuck away as the king of Derse fell, and ended up on a strange planet, known to most as the_ _ **Land of Wind and Shade**_ _, or_ _ **LOWAS**_ _. The salamanders who lived there saw his arrival as the coming of a prophesized hero, and insisted that he take on the quest of the_ _ **Heir of Breath**_ _. So he did, and journeyed to the top of the highest mountain on LOWAS. He fell onto the quest bed there, and summoned the many winds, and then the denizen of that land who controlled them, killed him."_

"Whoa wait what? But if you're dead, then…how the hell are you here? Are you a ghost or something?"

A chuckle.

" _Something like that. But no, when I died on my quest bed, the magic of wind and shade healed my wounds, and gave my spirit a physical form, along with the powers of a god, to sustain it and protect everyone. Except…"_

"'Except' what, Egderp?"

" _My spirit was always in Skaia. So when I came back, that's where I woke up. With my new powers, I did_ _ **the windy thing**_ _and blew everyone out of Skaia."_

"….Oh."

It took Dave a moment to regain his thoughts.

"So, that's cool and all, but then why are you stuck in that windy bubble thing?"

John hummed as he thought of a way to put this.

" _I guess you could call it a form of protection. I'm maintaining a barrier of wind around Skaia, and to protect myself while I'm doing that, my powers put up a barrier around me, too. Does that make sense?"_

Dave nodded before he remembered John wouldn't see.

"I guess. But why do you still need to keep it up? Everyone else is gone now, right?"

" _Yeah, I guess, but once it drops, the Dersites will come storming right back. And it takes a lot more energy to put this up and let it go than it does to just keep it up indefinitely, so if I drop the barrier, I don't think I'll be able to fight them off. The soldiers of Derse are powerful on their own, but David's something else entirely."_

John was ranting now, and Dave almost tuned him out when he said something that stuck out to him.

" _It's sorta funny, y'know- you actually look a lot like him. His hair's a little lighter and his skin's paper-white, and he also doesn't cover his eyes- thinks the red color will scare people more- but other than those little details, you look exactly like him. But you're_ _ **way**_ _cooler than he is!"_

John's lips curved into a smile, though his eyes remained shut.

"Really? Well, what's that guy like? I mean, you're talkin' like you actually know him."

" _He's kind of a jerk, really. He has this really creepy obsession with crows and dead things, and he's a total sadist! He really likes rapping, too, especially about how awesome he is, and how he's gonna take over the entire fricking incephisphere. It's_ _ **soooo**_ _annoying!"_

"Shit. Like, I think I'm pretty cool and all, but, wow. Dude sounds crazy."

" _Yeah. He's also really strong- like,_ _ **really**_ _strong. Anyway, you really should wake up now. And I think you'll meet Jade soon, too. If you do, can you tell her I'm okay?"_

"You got it, man."

And then, he woke up.

 **OooOooOooOooO**

That day, he met Jade Harley. She seemed a little eccentric, but Dave remembered she wasn't from his universe, and took it all in stride.

"Hi there, Dave!"

She just showed up out of nowhere, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Holy shit! Who are- wait a minute. You look sorta like John- are you that Jade chick he was talking about?"

She nodded.

"Yep! I'm Jade Harley-Egbert. But anyway, you've talked to John? How is he? I had a vision that he's in trouble and needs our help!"

"Hold on. 'a vision'? I dunno what you're talking about, but John wanted me to tell you that he's okay."

She shook her head with a frown.

"No, Dave, you don't understand! The prince of Derse is going to take him the first chance he gets, and John's powers are already fading! He used a lot of his energy just to see you, but that just made him weaker- so now you have to help me protect him!"

"Okay, but how can I help? Egderp's a frickin' _god_ and I'm only human."

Jade smiled at him, knowingly.

"I have a plan. See, every prince and princess of Derse and Prospit has a quest bed of their own. I haven't found mine yet, but I _have_ found David's- and he hasn't used it yet. I can take you there, and your similar energy signatures should let you take his place in the God tier!"

Dave blinked behind his shades. He wasn't entirely sure how that made sense.

But he supposed he could go along with it, for John's sake.

"Alright. When do we do this?"

"Right now if you want- just grab onto my arm."

The blond took just a moment to consider, and a pair of sky-blue eyes and an adorable buck-toothed smile flashed through his head.

He held out his hand.

"Then let's do this. Let's make this happen."


End file.
